It doesn't pay to be mad...

Yesterday was, let's just say, a Crappy day.

You name it, it went wrong.

To top it off, my kids chose this day to behave totally out of character and tick Lee off to no end. I came home from work and Lee is totally bawling out Jake and Scott for not being responsible, Max is crying in his bed because he's grounded, Cole is blinking uncontrollably so he won't cry and Emma is screaming out of fear because her dad is yelling and everyone's upset.

"Welcome home mom."

So, the rest of the night went down from there. I was just really mad at everyone.

I mean really mad!

It just drives me crazy when the kids decide to ignore everything I say, when no one has done their chores so the house is a DISASTER, and Lee takes it upon himself to set the ground rules without consulting with me first as if I'm one of the kids! I was just mad! I got Emma calmed down somewhat and cooked dinner (after Scott finally straightened up the kitchen!). Then things kind of calmed down until I realized the toilet was clogged.

That was the final straw.

I started plunging the toilet and making my frustrations known to anyone within a mile of my home (when I want to, I can really yell!) I'm plunging and plunging, like there's no tomorrow, taking my frustration and anger out on the plunger. Then I realize that my hand hurts.

This is the stupidest thing I've done in a while...

I developed a huge blister (on my right hand of course!) and popped it while

plunging my heart out!

Now, today I'm paying for my anger.

It has been bothering me all day. It kills and bandaid's won't stick to my palm so I'm hoping it doesn't get infected. (It's pretty deep)

So, I learned that getting that angry just doesn't pay! Next time, I'll just go to a movie or something instead of sticking around while mad.

Or maybe I'll just picture myself cursing and plunging and I'll start to laugh instead.

Happy Birthday to the greatest Dad a girl could ask for!!!!

My whole life, my dad has asked me "Are you happy?" Our happiness was so important to him and it still is. He does whatever he can to make his children happy. I can't even begin to tell you the many times he has helped me and made me feel better about things. He is an amazing man and such a good example to his family.

I just hope that he is happy -- especially today!

Well, she did it! She made it to SUU!

She's all settled and ready to start classes Monday.

It was a lot of fun helping her get her dorm set up. It's really cute now that she put her personal touches in it. (When I took this picture, we were just starting to get things together. I couldn't get an updated picture because when I went back before we left, her roommate was asleep.)

She's starting to meet all kinds of people and she's having fun at all the activities they have this weekend. Seeing her this weekend interacting with other students and faculty and watching her get things together, I am convinced now that

she's going to be just fine.

All set in her room.

Friday night was a fun night! We went to a park and then back to the hotel and had some fun family time. (minus Jake though. He had to stay home because he had tests in school that he couldn't make up. So that was sad not to have the whole family together.)

After the fun, she had a father's blessing and that's when we had our tears. But even though it'll be hard to be apart, we all know that this is going to be a great experience for Elisabeth.

We are so happy and excited for her!

(But, we can't wait for Thanksgiving and we get to see her again!!!!)

If I could make a wish...(or two)

~I would wish for a real vacation.

(I'm exhausted -- mentally, emotionally, and phyically!)

~I would wish that my family were all together again.

(I miss Elisabeth already! She's doing great though!)

~I would wish that I could loose weight.

(I just saw pictures of myself. Not good.)

~I would wish I could have furniture that didn't require "slip covers".

(What a pain in the rear!)

~I would wish for more storage space and the ability to organize my house.

(How often do I have to "de-junk"? Annoying.)

~I would wish that I could go to New York and see Donny Osmond on Broadway.

(Don't laugh! I love Donny! Always have and always will!

I know he's conceited and obnoxious, but I still love him!)

~I would wish laundry would magically clean itself as well as the house.

(That would be cool.)

Well, tomorrow's the big day. We leave to take Elisabeth to begin her new life.

I am so excited for her! She's doing something I always wanted to do but never had the courage to.

She's going out on her own.

I couldn't be more proud of her! She is a remarkable young lady and I feel so blessed to be her mom! I know great things are in store for her and it's going to be so fun to watch it all unfold!

But...the selfish side of me wants to take her in my arms and never let her go! (But I know I can't.)

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do!!!

Tonight was the last night she'd sleep in her room (It will soon be Jake's). The last night I'd hug her goodnight in our family room. I almost burst into tears but she stopped me. She said, "Mommy, not tonight!" So, I held in the tears...

until now.

As I write this, I am crying my eyes out!

I am already missing her!

This is so hard!

I am trying to be strong. I hate this. I have this sinking feeling that I have forgotten to teach her something. That I have failed her in some way.

I hope I'm wrong.

But I need to stop thinking like this.

I want her to know that I am happy for her! I really am. She needs to know that I support her decisions and I am so, so proud of her! I can't wait to hear of all she's learning and experiencing!

I love you Elisabeth!!!!

Where has the time gone?

One more week till Elisabeth leaves for college. . .

What an exciting time!

The sky's the limit!

Now, it's up to her to make the most of her life.

All her life I've been right there to pick her up when she needed it,

to shield her from harm, to comfort her when she's upset.

Soon, she'll be on her own.

I guess I'm just a tad worried!

It's a funny feeling to think that my little girl is going out into the world!

I just hope and pray that she is happy.

I hope she is safe.

I hope she has some fun.

I hope college is all she hopes it will be.

I hope we've taught her what she needs to know.

I hope she's ready.

She is ready.

Thankful...

Part of my job is coordinating service projects for different groups. I set up a date, place, and time and I go to get them going on the project then come back and check with them when they are done. My second day of work, I didn't know I didn't have to stay for the whole project. I ended up working along with a group of juvenile deliquents. We spent the morning pulling weeds and tilling a sand volleyball court. It was a group of 10 boys who, unfortunately, haven't made the best choices in their lives. It was an interesting morning. The boys were very respectful to me but I overheard things I could have lived without hearing. It was just really sad that these boys who are only 15-16 years old know things that kids just shouldn't know. They have experienced things that no one should ever experience.

The whole time I was there,

I just kept thinking of my four boys.

How I hope I have taught them to make right choices! So far they have done very well. They are good, thoughtful, smart boys who know that there's a time and a place to work and have fun. They are, for the most part, respectful and hard working. I am so proud of them! I just hope and pray that they will choose to stay on the path they are on! They are all destined for greatness!

I hope they know that!

I hope they know I love them with all my heart! ! !

I Need Your Help!!!

It's been a week since I returned to the work force after

a long 13 years.

I'd like to say that it's been great.

Don't get me wrong...

I still like my job enough, but the guilt is setting in.

Yesterday I came downstairs to find Max sitting at the table all alone eating a bowl of cereal he made for himself. He looked so sad and lonely. I sat next to him and tried to talk to him...

"Max, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sad?"

"Yeah."

"What are you sad about?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"I don't know." (eyes filling up with tears)

"Max?"

"Why do you have to go to work?"

This is KILLING me!!!

The older kids are okay for the most part with it. I don't think they like the extra responsibility, but I think they're okay. (I hope so anyways.) I'm hoping that I can get things more in control before school starts. I'm trying to make it so I only work from 9-3 everyday so I'll be home when the kids get home (I'll have to work a few hours a week in the evenings if there's service projects going on but for the most part I think I'll be able to keep it between 9 & 3). But then I'm feeling so guilty about leaving Emma. She's just two and I know she doesn't understand why I keep leaving. I'm sure it's good for her in a way since she's been so clingy lately but

I really hate it!

Ever since I was a little girl, the only thing I wanted to be is a mother. A career or working was never in the picture. I just want to be available for my children and husband whenever they need me. Now, I feel like I have to "pencil" them into my schedule and it sucks!

Any advice? I need help dealing with this. I have to work for at least a year so

I need to come up with a better plan to make this work.

If you have any suggestions, they'd be greatly appreciated!

I ask you...

How did a nice Family Home Evening lesson on goal setting

turn into this?

Sometimes I wonder....

My Crazy Past Couple of Days ...

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

I just got a job as Volunteer Services Coordinator for the Provo City Parks department. I had to go finish up my pre-employment paperwork and get my drug test. After the drug test, I stopped by Lee's office to say hi, then I was going to go into work to look around and get a "feel" for everything. On my way to the freeway,

I notice the BLACK sky

and the terrible lightning coming in through the west.

The Super Cell storm coming in over Provo August 1, 2006

I decide I better go check on the kids. I'm almost home and it's raining a little so I try to hurry. I'm driving west on 70 S. almost to the fire station when I see-- literally-- a curtain of water coming towards me. (I'm serious! There was this line in the street with one side little sprinkles and the other side total down-pour!!!) So, I drive through the "curtain" and I can't see a thing! I slowly turn the corner to my street and I notice the first telephone pole leaning on a fence. I'm freaking out but I keep going because I just want to get home. I can't see a thing but keep going because I'm just about 3 houses away and then I see the next telephone pole snap in half right before my eyes and fall into a driveway between two houses!

Yes, Snap!

Notice the third pole. That's the one I saw break in half!

I'm just glad it fell the way it did and not on top of me! Then I was really freaking out! I drive a little ways more to my driveway and go to drive in not realizing what would be in front of me--power lines! The telephone pole by my house was leaning on the fence by the dirt road right next to my house! The lines were hanging about 4 feet from the ground so I couldn't drive into my driveway. My house is on a flag lot meaning I have to drive down a long driveway to get to it. But I couldn't get back there. I started to back out away from the lines but I couldn't see a thing so I just stopped the car halfway in the street hoping I wouldn't get hit. I'm sitting there praying that my kids are okay and that I'm not going to be blown into the power lines and die! (I had an uncle who was killed by a downed power line and thoughts of that came to mind.) But I just had a bumpy ride in the 90 mph winds!

(They are calling the storm a "Super Cell".)

I will never complain about my ugly van again!

It's a sturdy little boogger!

I stayed like that until I could see better then I parked by the curb and waited the remainder of the storm out. Once the major part of the storm passed, I start seeing my kids, one by one, coming out of the house (Scott was filming the aftermath with his camera!) and I'm yelling at them to get back in! The storm passed and I'm trying to figure out what to do. So, being the brilliant person that I am, I get out of my van contemplating whether or not to pass under the power lines! I'm pacing back and forth in water half-way to my knees about 5 feet away from the lines when a fire truck drives up and yells at me to get out of the water! Then I realize how stupid I am! (hello!) I got back in the van and yelled to the kids to stay inside one more time and I parked on the other side of the street and got out. All I could think about is getting to my kids. So I thought I'd try to go around the block and climb the fence to my house. Well, both ends of my street are blocked off. I could only try to be patient and wait. I was so scared! Finally a Provo City Power guy tells me they'll let me out by the fire station so I finally got around the block. When I got there, the kids were being evacuated by the fire department. They had two ladders going over the chain link fence.

I just couldn't help but cry when I saw my kids!

They looked terrified! I am so thankful no one was hurt!

Lee soon got there and told me to take the kids to my inlaws' house in Pleasant Grove. I thought we should stay and help our neighborhood clean up but he thought it would be safer to get the little kids away from all the destruction which was probably right. Then, Elisabeth comes walking up with the girl she babysits so then I was relieved...

my whole family was safe!

After a drive around the neighborhood to see the big mess, we headed to Pleasant Grove.

Later that evening, Lee and I came back and snuck under the fence to the house so we could get clothes and stuff for the next few days.

SCARIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

My Street with all the telephone poles down!

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

I'm so grateful my inlaws were willing to take in all 8 of us but I'm going crazy! Feelings of guilt flood my mind. I want to be back in Provo helping but Lee and my mother in law tell me not to go because the kids needed me. I'm sorry to any of my neighbors who may read this! I really wanted to be there for you to help!!! But at the same time, I also just wanted to be home holding my family close! (conflicting feelings...I told you I was going crazy!)

Tuesday was a horrible, scary day and very tramatic for our family!

(no exaggeration! We were all really Really scared!)

Thursday, August 3, 2006

I have to start my new job at 6:00 a.m. (I can't remember the last time I was up and going at this time of day!) I just want to be home with my family still but... I have to go. With the disaster, I knew it was going to be crazy and it was. It was crazy but also cool. I'm not in charge of the volunteer efforts for the disaster (thank heavens!) but I get to help with it so now I'm not feeling so guilty! I went to meetings all morning with the United Way and Provo City officals. I have to say, it's pretty cool being a small part of it. Provo City is awesome! Everyone is just so genuinely concerned for the safety and well being of the citizens of Provo. It was more than just "doing their jobs". I'm excited to be working for a service-oriented organization and not one that gets the boss rich! I think I'm going to really like my job. After 9 1/2 hours of work, I came home exhausted! Then about 7:30, we get a call from Jake's boss (we took him up to work at the scout camp Wednesday afternoon against my will!)

Jake was hurt and they were taking him to the hospital.

The Hospital!?!

They didn't give us any details just that he hit his head and we'll meet them there! Trying not to panic, we drive from Pleasant Grove to Utah Valley Regional to find Jake laying there with blood all over and his arm in a make-shift sling. He was on a hike and going down a steep hill. He stepped on some rocks and they slid out from under him and he lost his footing and fell on his shoulder then flipped over and slide down about 30 feet until he grabbed onto a branch! He hit his head and had nasty scrapes and scratches all over. Well, the x-rays confirmed...

his collar bone was broken!

Jake's Actual X-ray

OOOOOOOUCH!!!!

He also had to get 4 stitches on the back of his head but thank heavens-- no head injury! Now, it looks like he was in a motorcycle crash with all his scrapes all over and his arm is in a sling! He has to take it easy until we find out more on Monday at the Orthopedic Surgeon's. He looks terrible but he's going to be okay eventually. Another scary day!!!!

I'm beginning to think, "I can't handle this".

Friday, August 4, 2006

We are allowed back home offically (well, we actually could have come home Thursday evening but we decided to wait till the morning because we were exhausted!) Anyways...

We're finally home!!!

I don't think I'll complain about my little house again! I'm so thankful to be home and that we didn't have any damage! (Our metal dryer vent thing on the outside of the house got blown off but that's it! We were so blessed!)

Jake is doing better today. He's really sore and in pain but he's been able to last longer without pain medicine. I hope that means that he's feeling a little better. It still hurts like heck though I'm sure!

I'm just glad these past few days are over!

***

This summer has just been way too exciting for my taste! I don't know...First, a close encounter with a bear (read this ), a natural disaster leaving us homeless, and Jake's accident...this is a summer

I don't ever want to go through again!!!

EVER .