time flies

I Need Your Help!!!

It's been a week since I returned to the work force after

a long 13 years.

I'd like to say that it's been great.

Don't get me wrong...

I still like my job enough, but the guilt is setting in.

Yesterday I came downstairs to find Max sitting at the table all alone eating a bowl of cereal he made for himself. He looked so sad and lonely. I sat next to him and tried to talk to him...

"Max, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sad?"

"Yeah."

"What are you sad about?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"I don't know." (eyes filling up with tears)

"Max?"

"Why do you have to go to work?"

This is KILLING me!!!

The older kids are okay for the most part with it. I don't think they like the extra responsibility, but I think they're okay. (I hope so anyways.) I'm hoping that I can get things more in control before school starts. I'm trying to make it so I only work from 9-3 everyday so I'll be home when the kids get home (I'll have to work a few hours a week in the evenings if there's service projects going on but for the most part I think I'll be able to keep it between 9 & 3). But then I'm feeling so guilty about leaving Emma. She's just two and I know she doesn't understand why I keep leaving. I'm sure it's good for her in a way since she's been so clingy lately but

I really hate it!

Ever since I was a little girl, the only thing I wanted to be is a mother. A career or working was never in the picture. I just want to be available for my children and husband whenever they need me. Now, I feel like I have to "pencil" them into my schedule and it sucks!

Any advice? I need help dealing with this. I have to work for at least a year so

I need to come up with a better plan to make this work.

If you have any suggestions, they'd be greatly appreciated!