time flies

Well, I actually did it.

I quit my job today!

I know, it's only been 2 1/2 or so months but it had to be done. I struggled with this decision for the past month. We've tried different schedules and cutting back on hours but it just won't work without getting a babysitter for Emma and I refuse to do that. Not just because I don't want her to have to go to a sitters, but also because after paying for the sitter, I'd only be making about $5 and hour and that's not worth working.

It's funny how things look great on paper but in reality

it so doesn't work!

Not that I have enjoyed working so much, but this really has been a struggle for me.

I feel so lucky to have even been given a job in the first place since I haven't had a real job for thirteen years. (I don't count cleaning the BYU law building or graveyard at Target real jobs. They only lasted a month.) My Manager is such a nice guy--one of the best bosses I've ever had. I've known for the past month that this job thing wasn't working out for me or my family but I felt an obligation to my boss. He's been so nice to me, I didn't want to let him down. But I had to "think eternally" as my mom counseled me to do and honestly, a job wasn't worth my family's well-being or happiness. My Manager was so nice and understanding today when I told him, which I guess I knew he would be, but I always picture the worst possible outcome and I guess that's why I waited so long. I don't handle confrontations well and I was genuinely afraid. But, it all turned out just fine. He thanked me for a job well done and thanked me for sticking it out through the busy season. So, October 28th will be my last day.

I won't miss having to be away from my family and I certainly won't miss pulling that stupid trailer around or working every Saturday. I will miss being told that I'm doing a good job or at least feeling like I'm doing a good job. (Is that stupid?) Being a stay-at-home wife and mother, you almost never get the praise. I know that's not what it's all about and it sounds kind of selfish but once in a while it's nice to hear a "thank you" or "you did really well with this". Oh well, I guess I need to forget that and concentrate on my family. I do feel relieved to have the "quitting the job" part over with. My Manager is going out of town until next Thursday so I pretty much just need to get things in order and go to the service projects I've set up already for next week. I can do that.

So, I again join the stay-at-home club.

I'm happy about that!